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3 Sep

The Insect God Light and other Humor-ous Home Oddities

Posted on 2008 under Miscellany of Humor | 6 Comments

Sometimes in the places people dwell there are odd and humor-ous things. If it weren’t for the fact my rent includes heat, hot water, and electric for under $700 a month this stuff would piss me off to the point where I would move.

Insect God Light

The apartment complex where I live has a design flaw. The outside lights are right by the apartment entrance doors, and they are this awful yellow-tinted color. This leads to a crap load of bugs on the doors once the Sun sets in the summer. Naturally there are more bugs in my apartment but most of them are ladybugs.

But the God Light is not the outside one. That is more like St. Peter at the Gates. God is the living room lamp.

It is one of these:

Besides the lack of the stupid-looking colored hood thing it also has a weird shape where the bulb socket is that makes it difficult for bugs to get out once they fall in there. Of course the bugs fly right to the light like it is heaven. But little do they know how hot it is or how to get out of the hole. Peter got them to the door, I let them in. Heaven becomes Hell for the insects in my house.

And I didn’t even have to buy a bug light.

More Insect stuff (because I like making you itching while you read this)

A few months back I had what might be called an ant invasion with a serious lack of effort. They also were a vengeful group but more on that later.

They started coming out from under my bathroom/kitchenette wall and would gather in a group of like 5-10 a few feet away in the bathroom. They never attempted to go into the other rooms to look for food which was weird, and there never was a larger group of them. A couple of times after I killed them all one wandered over to me at my computer and bit my foot. I’m not kidding, it really happened.

Apparently they sent assassins to avenge their comrades’ deaths.

Then there is the annoying neighbor smoker

The guy a few doors down from me has a girlfriend and she stays over on weekends. I am not creepy or stalking them, I know this because I can hear her smoking…and coughing!

She’ll go outside for a smoke and every time it’s take a drag cough, take a drag cough. She’s not old, looks like late 20’s so it’s not some kind of ailment from smoking. This has been going on for a good year or so as well.

It really is all I can do to restrain myself from opening up my door and yelling “For the love of God quit already if you cough every time you smoke because it’s fucking annoying!”

But then I would look like a complete lunatic or a psycho. It’s already a question and I do not want to seal the deal. It isn’t like I can blame it on my apartment and its weird sense of humor.

Humor-Blogs.com is full of decent neighbors and funny blogs. Just don’t let them borrow your hedge trimmer because they never frigging give it back.